ECSTASINE FELICITINE INEBRIOL -QUE PENA O HILTON NÃO TIVESSE ARANHAS E RATOS PENSAVA EU ...QUE BICHINHOS ENCANTADORES ENTRETANTO IA ACARICIANDO A MESA - TENTEI LIBERTAR-ME COM A JUSTIFICAÇÃO DE TER O BRAÇO CANSADO ...NESSE CASO GRITOU A SOLUÇAR DESSE-LHE AO MENOS UM PONTAPÉ ...QUE PODIA FAZER....RECUSAR SERIA DESUMANO ..........APARECEU GRITANDO QUE TINHAM DADO FURIOL À POLÍCIA PARA ANULAR OS EFEITOS DOS BENIGNIZANTES - FARMOCRACIA - TODA A GENTE QUER COMETER VILANIAS MAS NINGUÉM QUER SENTIR-SE VILÃO - AS RATAZANAS JOGAVAM BRIDGE AOS PÉS DO PROFESSOR, MESMO COM A ELEVADA CONCENTRAÇÃO DE ALUCINOGÉNIOS NO AR SERIA POSSÍVEL JOGAREM BRIDGE? AFLITO OLHEI A MAIS GORDA....AS CARTAS QUE TINHA NA MÃO NÃO ESTAVAM POR ORDEM E ELA JOGAVA MAL ....BOM,ENTÃO ESTAVA TUDO BEM.....She was beautiful all right, beautiful in a way that was at once seductive, demonic, and raspberry.....Anyhow, the criterion of common sense was never applicable to the history of the human race. Averroës, Kant, Socrates, Newton, Voltaire, could any of them have believed it possible that in the twentieth century the scourge of cities, the poisoner of lungs, the mass murderer and idol of millions would be a metal receptacle on wheels, and that people would actually prefer being crushed to death inside it during frantic weekends exoduses instead of staying, safe and sound, at home?” ― Stanisław Lem, The Futurological Congress: From the Memoirs of Ijon Tichy .

 

Each speaker was given four minutes to present his paper, as there were so many scheduled — 198 from 64 different countries. To help expedite the proceedings, all reports had to be distributed and studied beforehand, while the lecturer would speak only in numerals, calling attention in this fashion to the salient paragraphs of his work. ... Stan Hazelton of the U.S. delegation immediately threw the hall into a flurry by emphatically repeating: 4, 6, 11, and therefore 22; 5, 9, hence 22; 3, 7, 2, 11, from which it followed that 22 and only 22!! Someone jumped up, saying yes but 5, and what about 6, 18, or 4 for that matter; Hazelton countered this objection with the crushing retort that, either way, 22. I turned to the number key in his paper and discovered that 22 meant the end of the world.

Meanwhile, political trouble is brewing outside the hotel. In an attempt to forestall a revolution, the government pumps benignimizers into the water supply and the hotel is accidentally bombed with hallucinogens. Tichy is transported to an even bizarrer future, where chemicals are used to simulate everything. This is the opening for Lem to launch into a barrage of neologistic puns and satirical invention:

And therefore we have the malingerants, fudgerators and drudge-dodgers, not to mention the special phenomenon of simulimbecility or mimicretinism. A mimicretin is a computer that plays stupid in order, once and for all, to be left in peace. And I found out what dissimulators are: they simply pretend that they're not pretending to be defective. Or perhaps it's the other way around. The whole thing is very complicated.

A probot is a robot on probation, while a servo is one still serving time.

A robotch may or may not be a sabot.

One vial, and my head is splitting with information and nomenclature.

A confuter, for instance, is not a confounding machine — that's a confutator — but a machine which quotes Confucius. A grammus is an antiquated frammus, a gidget — a cross between a gadget and a widget, usually flighty.

A bananalog is an analog banana plug. ...

VÊ É UMA BICHA AUTÊNTICA 

(UMA FILA ...COMO AS DOS SOVIETES  OU AS FILAS DE PAPEL HIGIÉNICO VENEZUELANAS)

ÓPTIMO - DISSE EU DEPOIS DE UMA HORA EM PÉ....E QUANDO ABREM?

-ABREM....O QUÊ? PERGUNTOU CONFUSO

-BOM O GUICHET ACHO EU 

-NUNCA- RESPONDE-ME UM CORO DE VOZES TRIUNFANTES 

OS FABRICANTES TÊM AGORA PROBLEMAS

MUITO ESTRANHÍSSIMOS NUMA EMBALAGEM

SÓ PODE FAZER PROPAGANDA HORA AOS 

SEUS PRODUTOS, É PROIBIDO AGARRAR O CLIENTE PELOS COLARINHOS....

OS NEGROS MUDAM DE RAÇA TOMANDO CAUCÁSIO 

CARO DOENTE ....AS MEDIDAS PARA SALVÁ-LO LEVARAM A QUE SE FIZESSEM 1,2,....1O (MARCAR O QUE INTERESSA) OPERAÇÕES ...EMBORA TENHA SIDO NECESSÁRIO REMOVER OS PULMÕES FÍGADO CRÂNIO ETC....ESSES DESPOJOS FORAM TRATADOS NO RIGOROSO RESPEITO PELA SUA RELIGIÃO FORAM CREMADOS EMBALSAMADOS ATIRADOS AO LIXO, AO MAR, ENTERRADOS (MARQUE COM UM CÍRCULO O QUE INTERESSA...

 

 

 

 

Bayesianism Messianism obamanism ...onanism

Changes"

Everyone is facing changes
No one knows what's going on.
And everyone is changing places
Still the world keeps moving on.

Love must always change to sorrow?
And everyone must play the game,
Because its here today and gone tomorrow
Still the world goes on the same.

Love must always change to sorrow
And everyone must play the game,
Because its here today and gone tomorrow
Still the world goes on the same.

Its here today and gone tomorrow
Still the world goes on the same.

 General Apollon Diaz was currently in power and leaned toward the position of the hawks, which was to meet force with force. The proposal had already been made at Parliament (which stood in permanent emergency session) to counterattack: to pull twice the number of teeth from the political prisoners the abductors were demanding and mail them poste restante, as the address of guerrilla headquarters was unknown.

 Ijon Tichy, having returned to Earth from space, finds himself attending the Eighth World Futurological Congress, being held in a 106-storey hotel in Costa Rica alongside the Plenary Council of Student Protest Veterans, the Convention of Publishers of Liberated Literature, and a Philumenist Society meeting 

(collectors of matchbooks)

 For instance the second delegate from Japan unveils a 10,000:1 model of a housing complex some 800 stories tall with self sustaining everything and mobile in the ocean! It's the future! In fact, everything is recycled! Even the food is recycled waste and excrement from the people. The sausage left out in the hall is actually reconstituted human waste (at which point everyone in the audience stops eating and shuffles the food underneath their seats). This sets the tone for a few of the minor themes of the novel and gives you an idea of how Lem takes subtle jabs at everyone. For example another United States delegate takes the floor to talk about population problems that are rapidly developing. He outlines seven solutions: "mass media and mass arrests, compulsory celibacy, full-sale deeroticization, onanization, sodomization, and for repeated offenders--castration.